In the books I had read on narcissism and family court there was a lot of discussion around them throwing out child abuse allegations during the court proceedings. Since I was already armed with this knowledge, I was prepared when I first saw the allegations. What I was not prepared for was my nanny turning on me and contributing to the allegations. The things they accused me of made me want to throw up. But he has very strong financial control over her, so I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised when she sided with him.
The fact is that during, and even after the relationship ended, he was constantly telling me what an amazing mother I am. And he wasn’t the only one–his mother (who also lied about child abuse) and my nanny both regularly complimented my parenting skills. I even still have an email that he wrote AFTER we separated, telling me that I’m an amazing mother. How he went from saying I was an amazing mother to saying I was an abusive mother is mind-blowing.
In 15 years of motherhood, no one has ever felt the need to report my parental conduct to any authorities. In fact, the compliments about how well behaved my kids are, how you can really see that they know they’re loved, and how well I handle the challenges of raising 7 children, were frequent and regular.
He, on the other hand, was investigated by the Department of Human Services for leaving bruises on my oldest sons wrists. I was upstairs when this incident happened so didn’t witness it but the story is that my oldest son got angry with his brother and started to run after him. My abuser decided that he needed to be stopped so grabbed him by his wrists. It is acceptable, as a parent, to stop one child from hurting another so this isn’t inherently anything to be concerned about. However, my son was 13 years old when this happened and a scrawny beanpole, who hadn’t yet developed much muscular strength. My abuser, on the other hand, was 220 lbs with a lot of muscle mass. My son has never had issues with bruising easily. Did this grown man really need to grab his wrists so tight that he left bruises?
While I wouldn’t call this child abuse at all, the real point is that I’ve never been investigated by any family services. After only about 2 years of stepping into the role of parenthood, he had his first investigation.
The one redeeming thing the judge on the case did, was to rule that there was no child abuse. If there was no child abuse, why should I lose custody of my children, especially to an abuser?
They took my children away from me as punishment for standing up for myself to an attorney. This is family court system abuse. And it is child abuse to use the children as a means of punishing the mother. There are children, whose little hearts are aching because they don’t understand why their loving mother is no longer there for them. To treat children this way is disgusting human behavior.
Another question that I have is–if he, and his flying monkeys, were willing to throw out false child abuse allegations why didn’t they lose all credibility? In my mind, that’s the most horrific and disgusting lie they could’ve told. So, if they’re willing to lie about that, then certainly there is no limit to what else they would be willing to lie about.